Ask me what I just went upstairs to do, and I probably won’t be able to tell you. But I’ve got other, more interesting stuff on my mind, anyway. The music in my head, the books on my nightstand (who am I kidding--the books that are piled everywhere,) the craziness my kids are up to, just about anything that has to do with learning and creativity and personality and what it means to make art and live a life.
I spent a large part of my life watching and listening. I liked being on the sidelines, in the back of the classroom, just outside the action, observing the people around me. Gradually, though, I discovered that I wanted people to hear me, too—maybe that has something to do with starting violin lessons at the ripe old age of 2 ½. Life can be a great two-way conversation.
My kids are part of that desire to engage, too. Those three precious creatures have pulled me out of my comfort zone in more ways than I can count. Clearly that’s not just a past-tense thing, either; life promises to get fuller and crazier all the time. Even though I’m one of the grown-ups at our house, I sometimes suspect I’m revisiting youth and adolescence right along with them. Certainly all five of us—my husband, my kids, and I—are not only learning to love one another better, we are also learning how to be the people we were made to be.
I have a lot of different roles these days: wife, mother, violinist, Suzuki violin teacher, conductor, writer. Dreamer. I would love to tell you that I flit easily and gracefully from one to the other, but that just isn’t the case. For a long time I was convinced all these things were at war with one another. More and more, though, it occurs to me that this is just where I am. It’s a great mix, really, a rich way to live, even if it is less than tidy. And this place, here, is where I try to make sense of it all.
Some things I love:
Sibelius violin concerto
Hearing other people’s stories
The sun coming out after an ice storm
Salt and vinegar potato chips
Some things I hate:
Not being heard
Losing an argument
All the times I was too scared to try
Not having anything to do with my hands
Trying on swimsuits
Some things I’m afraid of:
Making the wrong decision
Letting down the people I love
Losing the people I love
Some things I’m not afraid of:
Trying new foods
Insects, mice, and other generally-thought-to-be-creepy creatures
Tweaking a recipe
Looking at both sides
Spending time alone
Some things I might never tell you in a normal conversation:
I’ve often checked my shoes for spiders, but never considered checking them for bats. Guess which one I’ve encountered? (Well I was there, anyway, when it happened.)
I love trying new things and hate that sometimes I’m just too scared.
My high school economics class—the one that was supposed to be an easy-A—was the most bewildering class I ever took.
I really admire people who are skilled at drawing others out. Wish I were better at it.
Normal is overrated. And so hard to let go of.
Some things I’m terrible at:
Judging how much I can do in a certain amount of time
Staying on schedule
Being patient with myself and/or those closest to me
Making phone calls
Some things I’m good at:
Imagining the final product
Finding the relevance
Talk to me: