Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fruit

I had many plans for this summer. Plans for the house, my writing, activities for the kids, planting a garden, getting in shape, organizing my life—you get the picture, right? I knew going in that my “to do” list was too long, and I tried to be realistic. But I also figured that this summer was a great opportunity to get some things done, get my life in order, accomplish some goals. Even if I didn’t get through the whole list I wanted to have some goals. I didn’t want to miss any opportunities.

Of course, these were my plans for the summer. And clearly God had other plans for me. Because of illnesses and deaths in the family (and one high school reunion), we have spent a considerable amount of the late spring and summer traveling and recovering from travel. My husband has been gone even more than I have—I just figured out that in the last 9 weeks he has spent 34 days out of town (that leaves 29 in town.)

Then ten days ago I had all four wisdom teeth removed (another day trip since there are no oral surgeons in town), and honestly, I’m frustrated to still be in recovery mode. It hasn’t been the worst experience, and I didn’t get dry sockets. But I feel out of commission, both physically and emotionally. My brain feels mushy. My motivation to get ready for school in the fall, or teach violin, or write is really, really low. My head aches. The stitches in my mouth, which are supposed to dissolve on their own, are rubbing against my cheeks and gums and creating sores. I was complaining loudly to my family, wondering who in the world thought it would be a better option to give somebody stitches that would dissolve on their own only after three weeks and a lot of discomfort rather than simply take them out. And my son, who is not quite ten, said, “Mom, people are just really unreasonable.” Which is true. That pretty much covers it.

What I’m trying to get at is that my kids are starting to come up with little bits of wisdom. They’re even giving me advice once in a while. Last week Middle counseled me in choosing yarn for a sweater. She was incredibly helpful and supportive; I’m glad I listened to her! My kids are growing. Other things in my life, too, are bearing some fruit. After years of working hard, only because I was convinced that it was what I was supposed to be doing, I’m seeing some little rays of light. Not that I think I can say, “I did A, and now B is happening,” like I can take credit for all of it. I just feel like I’m getting some confirmation, after what feels like a long period of silence and wheel-spinning, that I’m actually in the right place, doing what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s making a really difficult summer look like a summer of miracles.

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